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WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM: URGENT PLACEMENT NEEDED Meet Dark Lord Schwinny Meow, a former inmate with a complicated past. Once held in a maximum-security facility (Arizona rescue), he served time for: - Attempted break-ins (with intent to snuggle) - Unlawful affection toward strangers - Grand theft snacks - Squatting on premium furniture After being rescued, he was thriving... Until a new threat emerged: HOUDINI. Current risks include: - 3 AM zoomie attacks - Surprise ambushes - Tail-based psychological warfare - Zero respect for boundaries Due to escalating conditions, Schwinny is being relocated to a secure, brother-free room where he can nap peacefully. Sponsorships welcome to support relocation. Behind that mugshot is just a survivor trying to escape his tiny, unhinged sibling.