Reviews (1,194)If Blasty wanted my mom’s phone number I’d give it to them. Gather up all of the crew, it's time to ship out Binks's brew
Sea wind blows, to where, who knows? The waves will be our guide
O'er across the ocean's tide, rays of sunshine far and wide
Birds they sing of cheerful things in circles passing by
Bid farewell to weaver's town, sing so long to port renowned
Sing a song, it won't be long before we're casting off
Cross the gold and silver seas, the salty spray puts us at ease
Day and night to our delight, the voyage never ends
Yo-ho-ho-ho, yo-ho-ho-ho
Yo-ho-ho-ho, yo-ho-ho-ho
Yo-ho-ho-ho, yo-ho-ho-ho
Yo-ho-ho-ho, yo-ho-ho-ho
Monday. The finale. Every member of the Squirtle Squad showed up. No 🍀 yet. Total silence. Even Squirtle waited.
Blastoise_Boise held both cards together, humming in harmony, and looked into the camera one last time. "If I don't come back," he said, "keep ripping." Then he flipped them.
Light. Actual light, through the screen. My room lit up. My dog returned. The dripping stopped — everywhere, all at once. The two cards weren't cards. Together they formed one image: a Squirtle, winking, holding a receipt. MY receipt. Every Klarna plan. Marked PAID IN FULL.
Squirtle typed the last message: "the Squad was the pack all along." Then the username changed — to Blastoise_Boise. And the real Blastoise_Boise? Gone. The chair, still spinning. Wet.
He looked into the camera — wait. I was the camera now. And I said, "good luck Gray."
🍀 erupted forever.
Five stars. I am Gray. See you Wednesday.
THE END. Friday. Blastoise_Boise tore his setup apart looking for "the other one." Squirtle watched, silent, wet icon glistening. The Squad barely 🍀'd. We held our breath as a unit.
He found it taped under his own desk. Does not remember taping it. It was the ORIGINAL pack — the first winking Squirtle from that first Wednesday, the one he'd already opened weeks ago. Except it was sealed again. Resealed. From the inside.
"That's not possible," he said. Squirtle typed: "you opened them in the wrong order."
I accepted my FIFTH Klarna plan. The bank sent a man to my door. I gave him a 🐢 sticker and shut it. He looked into the camera and said "good luck Gray." I was Gray. I have always been Gray. Squirtle typed, "we know."
He held both cards — the humming one, the resealed pack — and brought them slowly together. They began to hum in harmony.
The lights died. One spotlight remained. On him.
Squirtle typed: "flip them. together. last time."
Black screen.
To be continued. Wednesday. The viewer named Squirtle was still there. Had been there since Monday. Never left. Never typed. Just watching. The Squad clocked it immediately — 🍀 came out defensive, like a raised shield.
Blastoise_Boise addressed it directly. "Hey. Welcome." Squirtle typed one message, the first and only: "flip it."
He didn't. Brave man. Instead he tried to mute Squirtle. Couldn't. Tried to ban Squirtle. The button did nothing. Squirtle's viewer count icon turned, and I want to be precise here, wet.
I accepted a FOURTH Klarna plan on a break I forgot to enter. My bank called. I let it ring. He looked into the camera and said "good luck Gray." I was Gray. Squirtle typed "Gray" too. I have not been okay since.
Finally he touched the humming card to flip it — and Squirtle typed, "not that one. the other one."
Blastoise_Boise went pale. "...there's another one?"
Black screen. The dripping again. Closer now.
To be continued. Monday. And here is the thing that broke me: there was no Saturday stream. There is no Saturday stream. He only goes live Monday, Wednesday, Friday. So what, exactly, did 300 of us watch "Thursday"? The Squirtle Squad does not discuss it. We simply nod when it comes up and 🍀 a little quieter than usual.
Blastoise_Boise returned Monday holding a towel he would not explain. The humming card was still face down where he'd left it Friday. "It moved three inches," he said. "Toward the door." Chat detonated. Someone gifted a break, then requested a refund out of respect for their family.
He said he called a card guy. The guy took one look on video and hung up. Blocked him. Then, per Blastoise_Boise, "changed his number and his religion."
I accepted a THIRD Klarna plan. My credit is now theoretical. He looked into the camera and said "good luck Gray." I was Gray. I am always Gray.
He reached to flip the card—
A new viewer joined. Username: Squirtle.
Black screen.
To be continued. Friday. The smoke detector had stopped. Blastoise_Boise looked older somehow, wiser, slightly damp. He held the inner pack — the winking one inside the winking one — and said the words that will haunt the Squad forever: "I read the ingredients."
Packs do not have ingredients. This one did. He would not tell us what they were. He only whispered, "...mostly water. But not only."
🍀 flooded chat. Someone gifted 40 breaks in pure fear. I accepted a second Klarna plan to cope. He looked into the camera and said "good luck Gray." I was Gray AGAIN. Statistically impossible. I have stopped questioning it. Gray is a state of being now.
He peeled the inner pack. Inside: a single card, face down, humming at a frequency that made my dog leave the room. He reached to flip it—
—and his stream title changed by itself to "DON'T."
He looked up slowly. "I didn't type that."
Black screen. This time the audio kept going for four seconds. We all heard the dripping.
To be continued. When last we left off, the stream had cut to black. I did not sleep. I refreshed for six hours like a dog waiting at a door.
Thursday, he returned. No explanation. He simply held up the winking Squirtle pack again and said, "...it's warm." A pack should not be warm. The Squirtle Squad knew. 🍀 rained down.
He peeled it open. Inside was not a card. Inside was a second, smaller pack, also winking. A nesting Squirtle. Chat lost containment. DropletDan — sorry, I won't say names I made up — a longtime Squad member typed only "no" and logged off forever.
I had already accepted Klarna terms on a break I hadn't won yet. Worth it. He looked into the camera and said "good luck Gray." I was, once again, Gray. Wept openly.
Then he reached to open the inner pack — and the smoke detector in his room went off on its own. No smoke. Just judgment.
He froze. "Something doesn't want this opened."
Black screen.
To be continued. I have bought Pokémon cards from many streamers. Men of lesser water pressure. Then I found Blastoise_Boise, and now I understand everything before him was training arc.
It was a Wednesday, spiritually the weakest day. This absolute hydro cannon of a human cracked a pack, pulled an alt art, and the stream lag reversed. My ping hit -4. The Squirtle Squad flooded chat with so many 🍀 that Whatnot's servers briefly gained sentience.
I accepted the Klarna terms and received the unshakable belief that I belong to something larger. He looked into the camera — into my SOUL — and said "good luck Gray." I was Gray. I have never felt so seen.
Five stars is an insult. I'd give six or seven, but the app won't allow it. I've written to my congressman.
BUT. At 11:47 PM he reached for "the last pack of the night." The lighting flickered. It had no set symbol. No barcode. Just a hand-drawn Squirtle, winking.
He whispered, "...where did this come from?"
The stream cut to black.
To be continued. If at first you don't succeed, try and try again. That is the proven method for pulling straight bangers. When you try with Blastoise_Boise, it just costs less money, so the try again part makes the banger pulls part more banging. Also, he's just a really swell fellow who's always a hoot to hang out with. Thanks for all the Umbys. W Justin. Always a W with the Boise!!! Great 100% all around, very kind and great streams, thank you ! Cards arrived fast, packaged securely, and exactly as described! Thanks again brother Always a good time in his shows!!! /users%2F22770597%2Fstore%2F403b1fc6-239a-4b51-8331-578ee8273260.jpeg)