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Dispatched to Earth with a grant from our Galactic Federation, I was tasked with acquiring every Josh Allen card ever made. These relics are essential to preserving our way of life on planet Pat, named after Pat Tillman who was the first earth born carrier of our alien race’s genetic signature.. the earliest documented human expression of the lineage JA17 now carries forward.Unfortunately, I discovered Whatnot. What began as market research devolved into an alarming obsession with numbered parallels, autographs, & live auctions. My grant is depleted, my superiors are displeased, & I have accumulated $30 billion in intergalactic debt. Now I must liquidate inferior terrestrial assets to restore solvency & complete the sacred archive!
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